Friday, March 21, 2014


How can it be that one morning you get up, hear the birds chattering as you look at the view of your patio,with the sunlight demonstrating it's wonderful ability of light play over plants & furniture, through to the garden beyond & remark "how blessed are we to have this beauty to wake up to every day" with a smile playing across your face - then the following morning you wander out there, not even noticing the view, while wondering why the birds are even bothering to sing.

Yesterday we were looking forward to the job & going out & buying a new fridge...well, perhaps not looking forward to it so much, but enjoying the thought that we weren't going to have to put up with a fridge that freezes everything we put in it, at seemingly random intervals.....thereby providing the compost & worm bins with what I believe to be the most expensive compost fuel in Brisbane some weeks.
Yesterday I was anticipating unpacking the last carton of my gear to arrive from New Zealand - a whole 21 months later.
Yesterday I believed for the shadow that had shown up on my Mum's pancreas while she was having a kidney scan to be "just a shadow" or, with her health history, perhaps a blockage somewhere.

This morning I knew better.
This morning I didn't want to be awake once that time where my eyes slowly open & the obliviousness that sleep has afforded is still upon me, before I became fully aware of the day, had passed. I didn't care about cartons or their contents & couldn't have cared less if the new fridge was delivered today - or not at all.
By this morning I knew that the shadow, just a bit they caught in a scan for something completely different, is inoperable cancer of the pancreas that has progressed into Mum's spleen as well. I also know that chemo is not an option as she is so underweight & weak that they have admitted her into the Hospice to try & get some weight on her while figuring out the best medications to keep her out of pain, so she can go home....& what? I'm believing for a miracle.

To think that she went to the Doctor a week ago with back ache which, as it turns out is unrelated, & now this. As if the last 7 years, & in particular the last 3 since the earthquakes, haven't been enough for her already. I always knew that she was a strong woman - but bloody hell, enough already. She's had her share of poor health & more than enough to cover a few other people too.

Speaking to her today I realised that, although she accepts this is terminal, she ain't going down without a fight baby. She was talking of being able to drive again - once her back is better. Heaven help Christchurch is all I can say about that.

I think I can safely say my Mum, myself & my family liked yesterday a whole lot better than today.

Tropical Water Lily - "Tina"